Saturday, December 30, 2006
oh well, whatcha waiting for
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
(- Let Go, by Frou Frou)
I do not make New Year's resolutions; I don't need to have a special day to resolve to make improvements to myself and my life. Last night, as I was drifting off to sleep, I thought that I have accomplished a great many small things this year. I have over come a few fears and inhibitions, and wouldn't it be great if I could continue with that in the next year?! I mean, who ever would have thought that I would be running in public?! Not me.
Starting now, I am going to LET GO... or at least make an honest attempt at it. Let go of the fears that are holding me back, let go of my inhibitions, just let go... of course all within reason. (It's not like I'm going to do anything drastic and character damaging.)
Cheers to LETTING GO!
Friday, December 29, 2006
I was at the gym, running circles on the track. At one point, I was passing a walker when I saw a guy in the weight area, reclined on one of the machines, wave. It was a small hand-at-the-waist wave. I didn't recognize him, so I assumed he knew the walker, and was simply waving a friendly hello at this man walking beside me.
Later in my run, I spotted this guy again when he was in a different part of the weight area, and I saw him wave again. This time, there was no one else around me so he was actually waving at me! So I thought that I must know him! Dark hair, well built, and it must be this guy who I of who goes to my gym. I smiled and figured he would catch up with me when I was walking or stretching.
He never did catch up with me. When I was walking for my cool down, I started to regain the ability to focus, and try to search him out in the crowd, but I couldn't find the face I was looking for. I called him when I got to my car, expecting to leave a message on his voicemail. I was suprised when he answered his phone, but not entirely since he lives close by and could have left the gym before I did. He denied being at the gm that day, so I told him the story about the gym waver. We had a laugh over it. Why would a guy just wave to a girl in the gym?
The next day at the gym got to the top of the stairs and was waved at. I was in shock so I didn't know how to react and kept walking. It was the waver! He went on the treadmill and I was on the track so I could see him as I passed by, but because of the angle it was hard to make eye contact or something unless I was looking behind me, which I was totally not about to do. When I was finished running, he was over in the weights area and I just left. Who just waves to a girl at the gym and then never comes over to say hi??
Funny thing is, I don't really know what this guy looks like. I don't think I would be able to pick him out in a line up! Attractive, well build, square shoulders, dark hair... that probably describes 1/2 the guys in the gym. lol Since people can change the clothes they wear to the gym, I think I need to look for a more consistance distinguishing feature like their shoes, since most people wear the same shoes to the gym each visit.
Monday, December 25, 2006
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Monday, December 18, 2006
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Friday, December 15, 2006
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Monday, December 11, 2006
I had another bad dream last night/this morning. When I woke up it was already morning, so I didn't have to worry about trying to fall back asleep. I wouldn't have been able to; I didn't want to close my eyes again.
That makes 2 in just over a week. The other one was on the night of Dec 1st. I was up sobbing at 3:30 and it was such a bad dream that I did not want to go back to sleep. I would close my eyes and see the dream all over again and I didn't want to dream more about it.
The dreams had the same theme, and it won't surprise me if it happens again.
I had always been aware of how easy it could be to fall aleep while driving, like if you were super exhausted or a shift worker or something like that, but I never imagined that it would happen as it did. I think it has to do with the lack of daylight. It's dark when I leave in the morning and it's dark when I go home in the afternoon.
Wow, in retrospect, I had quite the dangerous week. I'm glad I made it out without hurting anyone other than myself (my back still hurts and my bottom is horribly bruised from the fall).
Friday, December 08, 2006
Everything hurts now. It will be even worse tomorrow, right in time for my Christmas party. Wonderful.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
I'm wearing my long blue shirt and a blue & gold top to the christmas party and I just decided (with Michellini's help) that I will be wearing green eye makeup instead of the Raisin I usually wear. The green colour is actually called Cold Cash! I bought it because of the cool name. I even remember that I was on the phone with a panicked man (his new computer had just been splashed with paint) when I picked it out.
Some of us, more than others.
We carry the damage with us from childhood, then as grownups, we give as good as we get. Ultimately, we all do damage.
And then, we set about the business of fixing whatever we can.
- Grey's Anatomy (Season 2 Episode24, Damage Case)
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Monday, December 04, 2006
I saw a movie this weekend, Sorstalanság (Fateless).
Budapest 1944: it is a moving tale about a 14 year old Jewish boy as he is sent to to work in a brick camp and his bus is stopped and he is sent to Auschwitz and then later to Buchenwald. During this time, he comes to learn much about life and friends. The movie was visaully stimulating, as it was done in sepia, black and white, and coloured scenes to emphasize various moods. This movie is based on the contemporary novel by Nobel Prize winner Imre Kertész.
Like any movie about concentration camps that I have seen, it is depressing at times, and also very thought provoking. How can human beings treat other humans like that, and are we still guilty of such crimes against humanity. Ultimately the movie shows the unbelievable resilience of the human spirit.